Some Thoughts on Writing an Email of Introduction 

copyright 2003

I recently received an email introduction from someone who got my email address from a Philly-area Yahoo group.  I actually don't mind people reaching out and introducing themselves in general.  After all, online can be a good way to connect with people of mutual interests.  Giving the benefit of the doubt, what I believe what this gent in question was trying to do was introduce himself to me to see if I might be interested in some sort of real time Domme/sub relationship with him.

Now, I'm not going to name names, and I'm not going to quote anything specific from the email.   However, it got me thinking on what makes a good introductory email if you're sincere about continuing on to further discussion, and what gets you told "don't contact me again."

So what does constitute a good introductory email?  

The purpose of such an email is to relay enough information about yourself that would pique the reader's interest and make them want to get to know you a bit better.  Tell about yourself...the basics of age/status/location.....some things that you're interested in on a vanilla level, perhaps what you do for a living, basic first contact things.  What are your hobbies?   Where do you like to go with friends?  Are you a brunch and a wander through a museum on a Sunday kinda person, or is a pizza and beer while the game is on TV more your style? These things are important if you're interested in meeting someone and spending time with them.   

Need I even say that a one liner email that says something along the lines of "25/m/sub/local to you....r u interested?" doesn't cut it?  I'm positive that you're an interesting individual and can come up with at least a few sentences about yourself.

A note:  spelling and grammar count.  Run spellcheck before you hit “send”. Use complete sentences.  No excuses.

If you want to touch on kink interests, orientation is a good thing to include, maybe very *lightly* touch on basic interests   For example, on my webpage, I list "sadism and service" as my two strong areas of interest.  Be very careful to be tactful here.  As you'll see in a minute, there's a reason to be circumspect. 

The idea is give the person reading the email something to respond to, to talk to you about, but don't overwhelm them either.  Above all, BE POLITE.   

Let me say that again.  BE POLITE.  You are, after all, hoping to make a favorable impression on the person you are introducing yourself to, so that you can talk further and get to know one another.  Don't shoot yourself in the foot by not investing an appropriate amount of time and effort into first contact.

So this email that I received.   Understand that to my knowledge, I have never spoken to this person before, and I can only surmise he doesn't know me....either from online, through the local scene, etc. Bottom line, I didn’t know this person.  He introduced himself with all of about 10 words on his gender/age/etc, followed by an extensive list of one of the most pornographically explicit listings of sexual activities he allegedly had taken part in, heavily littered with profanity, that I think I have ever read that didn’t have “You must be over 18” warnings all over it.  

Well.  Talk about wanting to hose yourself down with Lysol after coming in contact with something.

I'm not sure what the thought process behind writing such an email is (or even if there was any thought process).....but I can't believe that too many people who are sincere about establishing a real time relationship that would respond positively to it.    

There absolutely is a time and place to discuss mutual BDSM interests and experiences in the whole process of getting to know one another, but I don't believe than nonconsensually thrusting your fantasies on to a complete stranger and calling it an "introduction" is a way to go about it.  I'm far from a prude, but there's something about being presented with a "do-me" list of detailed sexual activities by a someone I neither know nor care about that makes me say "ewwwww".

A wonderful point of reference for a sub who wants to approach a Domme is an essay called "How To Court a Dominant Woman".  It can be found at  I recommend you read it.

And by the way?  The "gent" in question got a "don't contact me again" response from me. But you knew that ;-)

April 2003

  Page Updated 08/27/05


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